Dear Mr. What Happened,
Oh, the mysteries of attraction, the secrets of chemistry. Anybody who is actively dating knows how rare it is to meet someone you instantly have a flow with; exploring the space between being relaxed, while at the same time sensing a slight nervous tension. The feeling that this meeting might be the start of something. I wallowed in this feeling during our date. This date I didn’t want to end. This date that started late in the afternoon and went on during the most part of the night. So, what happened?
We’d only been seated a minute when you placed your hand on my thigh, and said we’d might as well order a bottle of wine, instead of a glass. The sun wasn’t quite ready to set and focused on our bodies. And I couldn’t tell whether it was his rays, your touch or the alcohol warming me. We talked the obvious travel, background and career topics. And also referred to Greek Gods, analyzed other couples on their dates, invited others to our table as if we regularly hosted dinner parties and made each other smile. It was past midnight when we snuck into your work’s building to sit in the garden there and talk more. We ended in a bar where some of your friends were, and as we walked in, it felt like a Cheers episode. As I was getting to know your friends, you looked at me from across the table and smiled. My whole body smiled in response.
And then as our ways were about to part, you pulled me closer and told me you had to be honest and just weren’t that attracted to me. Wait… What? Our first date almost lasted 12 hours, you were flirty, introduced me to your friends, mentioned things we could do in the future, but now you didn’t really want to see me again? Oh, the mysteries of attraction, the secrets of chemistry.
Confused I went home, and crawled into my bed, the movie reel of our date on replay, trying to figure out which signals I had missed. I felt stupid, rejected and started to doubt myself. How could one of the most fun and amazing first dates I had ever had, just be something I had misread? Maybe I just wanted to connect with someone so badly that I had confused hope with chemistry. Or maybe you hadn’t been completely honest with me, as two months later I found out you were back with your ex and got engaged.
I guess I’ll never figure out what exactly happened. It’ll just remain one of those mysteries of attraction, and secrets of chemistry. By now thankfully the edge of rejection has worn off. And though just a little apprehensive, I’m ready to get lost in another mystery again, and see which components of another individual will make for a reaction.
With thanks for that one amazing night,