V ~ Mr. Vanity

Mr vain

Dear Mr. Vanity,

You’re so vain, you probably think this post is about you. But reflecting on (what I perceived as) your vanity, I realized that maybe you were just ahead of your time. I guess the shape of vices change with time too, because if I were to transport your actions into this selfie era, I’d probably think nothing of it. But what is it then that made me call out your vanity all those years ago?

Truth be told, you are absolutely gorgeous. As a young entrepreneur, you were known across the town I temporarily called my home. I think you know that a lot of females visited your venue because of you. I can remember this day when a friend of yours brought her baby along. As you held the baby, making him laugh, being all tender and fatherly, I swear the sound of yearning ovaries was deafening. Not only beautiful and successful, but apparently a potential doting dad too.

I enjoyed studying you like an unknown specimen. Our conversations weren’t deep, but they were entertaining. And you made sure to let me know that, as a friend, you always had my back. And then, with my imminent departure creeping in sight, something shifted and the air between us became flirtatious. It never solidified. We both had our reasons to not get sexually involved. But once that flirtation found its way, the attraction was even harder to ignore. You remain one of my favorite “what ifs”.

So after I’d left, it was nice to at times receive a little message, seeing as there was half a world between us. And yes, I have to admit that the fact that such a desired man confessed his attraction to me was highly flattering. Egos are easily seduced. But it all stayed very PG rated. And then, out of nowhere, you sent me those semi naked pictures of yourself. No introduction, no explanation, no request to reciprocate. Just images of you soaked in your gorgeousness.

At that pre-smartphone time, it almost felt like an unsolicited dick pic. Your need to just show yourself like that, came across as terribly vain. But look at most of us now; plastering pictures of ourselves on social media. Striking obvious poses, trying to look casual. Showing off sculpted bodies, pursed lips, and fabulous lives. You, Mr. Vanity, were ahead of the game. Your unrequested visual sensuousness would seem tame today. Luckily for you, your need to be seen and admired have free range now on Tinder and Instagram. Smizing your way into women’s pants, your confidence has finally found its audience.

And yes, I too am still engrossed by your beauty. So let me just confess: this post is definitely about you.

Wishing I could admire you in real life again, even if just for a minute,

Ms. Alphabet

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