L ~ Mr. Love

Love

Dear Mr. Love,

When I saw the Buzzfeed post on what it feels like to love someone you’ve never dated, I started to feel tears burning my eyes. I don’t think I ever loved anyone as intensely as I did you, yet officially we were never more than ‘just friends’.

At times I find it hard to describe relationships. To me, boundaries aren’t so black and white. There are many grey areas between ‘friends’ and ‘in a relationship’. Feelings aren’t always easily described or pinpointed. That’s what often makes any kind of relationship interesting, and yes also complicated. With you, I found an intense emotional connection that at times consumed me. I don’t believe in telepathy, but it did feel like we heightened each other’s senses. It wasn’t unusual to receive a text message from you saying ‘Are you ok?’ at the exact moment something was going on which made me not feel ok. I loved bumping into you, as we often went out in the same venues. And at a certain point I realized I could sense whether you were there as soon as I entered the space. It made for either instant disappointment or instant smiles. Was that all in my mind? Possibly. I guess when you’re in love you see what you want to see.

But I do know that we both felt an unexplainable connection. We understood each other on a level that is rare. Not unique, but definitely rare. And I missed that after we “broke up”. ‘Cause even in friendships, however blurry the lines are, you can break up. What hurt me the most though, during this break-up, was that you let another person make the decision for you. I get that your girlfriend didn’t understand or trust our connection. But to let her tell you to completely cut me out of your life, and comply… It broke my heart. You, the guy I never dated, broke my heart. Shattered it. And though I have pieced it together by now, it feels like there’s still a splinter missing. Part of me still hopes you’re safekeeping it for me.

With nostalgic love,

Ms. Alphabet

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